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Anxious Attachment in Relationships

Esperanza Lugo
Aug 8, 2021
2 min read

It’s important to be aware if you have anxious attachment style. It’s usually developed in infancy when one doesn’t receive the needed emotional response or from past trauma/trust issues. This can include parent avoidance or absence or past relationship issues like a messy/hurtful divorce, betrayal, etc. This type of attachment style can lead to feelings of insecurity and needing constant reassurance from their partner as they fear rejection and abandonment.

Being clingy or feeling needy is a behavior that is associated with this type of attachment. Time spent with their partner never seems to be enough and they are never left satisfied always wanting more and more time. They may constantly check their cellphone for text messages or wonder why their partner hasn't responded to them yet. Wanting to know their partner's exact location and worrying when they want to do hobbies, activities, or spend time with others that do not include them.

This kind of behavior can leave their partner to feel suffocated causing them to pull away. Then the other feels a sense of abandonment and it becomes a vicious cycle. If you have this type of attachment style, you can do the following:

· Become self-aware

· Identify the root cause

· Learn how to positively manage your emotions (your brain is capable of this change)

· Pray and let God be the One that you go to in these times of need

· Ask God to fill this void and fill your heart with His love

· Communicate with partner

· Confide in a good close friend who can support you

· Get professional help or life coaching

· Get couple’s counseling or coaching

· Communicate with partner

Written By:

Esperanza Lugo, Ed.D. Candidate, MA